The best that I ever felt on ecstasy was something that was not quite
happiness nor euphoria, but rather a profound and perfect sense of unity
of mind, body, spirit and soul; and I understood in an instant exactly
what happiness and being happy involved; and at the same time I was
overwhelmed by a hope that I would someday get there.

I realised that I was looking for something that few people understand or
achieve; something that I understand but haven't achieved and cannot
articulate. I am searching for a state of being in which mind, body,
spirit and soul are fundamentally indivisible yet each feeds the
understanding of the other - a feeling that all the words in the world
can only understate.

That night I almost found it. Someday I think I might. It is not
something I will find alone, but rather by a dynamic combination of
factors which have to be in the right place at the right time.
I don't see ecstasy as escapism but rather it helps me on my journey,
shows me the direction, or perhaps it helps me to see that direction, and
gives me the will to follow it.

I personally don't believe I would have ever reached that
point without the use of a psychoactive drug; which is why the
"I don't need drugs to have a good time" attitude is rather
puzzling to me. I suppose the question is does it matter anyway,
some people get on perfectly without either the use of drugs or reaching
that state; my answer would be yes, it does matter a lot, or I wouldn't
look for it, and having been made aware for the existence of
such a state I don't think I will ever stop looking.

I've been trying to understand for a long time
the antipathy towards the usage of chemicals for purposes other
than the purely medicinal. And failed, really.

From a 22 year old English woman who works as a research student in
computer graphics and virtual reality.

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