A teenage girl's changed attitude to sex

About two months ago I took my first E with these friends at a club in Vauxhall. I had
been friends with Susan for two years, and I'd known her boyfriend Melvyn and my
boyfriend Tom for about a month. None of them knew it was my first pill until
I came up on it and dragged Susan into the toilets because I was still sober
enough to know that i might have a bad trip or something might go wrong and
that if so, she should know that I'd never done it before. I told her and
suddenly, simply because she knew and reassured me that she was there for me
and would make sure I had a good time, I wasn't worried at all. I had a great
time at the club and afterwards we sat in the car for about an hour until we
were sure that Melvyn could drive home safely. We got stopped by the police on the
way back but even this failed to freak any of us out because we were so loved up.

The reason this experience was so amazing for me was that before knowing
these wonderful friends, I had been obssessed with pulling men and sleeping
with them, which I now know was to prove to myself and to others that I was
attractive, which I know is a very insecure way to behave and did my self
esteem no good at all. That night was the first time I had gone out to a club
with friends and not only not thought about sex all night, but come home and
sat up talking - really talking about important things - all night with my
boyfriend and not felt the need to "give" him sex so that he would still like
me.

We are still happily living together, and do a couple of pills when we go
out (about twice a month) - but the E made us realise what each of us was like
as a person, not just in terms of sex. It was great. I won't do it every day or
even every weekend because I don't need to. It's enough to do it once every now
and then, it seems to clear the head of all the necessary but boring day to
day stuff and let two (or more) people communicate in the most direct way.

Also, we are four teenagers all living together, but we never have any
arguments or rows because since taking a pill all together we saw each other
totally stripped of images and quirks, and we know we can speak totally freely
with each other.

I love it. I'll never stop doing it.

I replied that its best to keep it for special occasions as the nice effects quickly wear off otherwise, and to make use of the experience to improve everyday life. She then added:

Part of the E experience is wanting who you're with to have a wicked
time, so anything that makes people realise that you can take a pill and
survive, as long as you know what you're doing and know the risks, is good.

However, I would like you to make it clear that I use ecstasy as a dance drug,
not as an aphrodisiac or to have a bonding experience with a friend, although
those are side effects I enjoy - I only take it when I go out to a club
and the emotional stuff happens when we get home, during the "chill-out"
period.

Thanks for the advice too - I haven't noticed the effects or the duration
becoming less and I've never, ever had a bad trip, I've never freaked out
completely (short but minor panic attacks but never more than once on the same
pill), although the comedowns now are worse than when I first started. Only
that one thing worries me about Eing - that sooner or later it'll start
becoming boring and then what'll I do? :)

PS: Tip for a good comedown: fall asleep...honest! if you don't take speed
with it (as most of my mates do) you'll be so tired from clubbing that you'll
sleep off the comedown and wake up fine.

A seventeen year old girl living in London with three other teenagers

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