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Finding my goal in therapy

I am a fan of E, having tried many different drugs, mostly in a
concentrated effort to find new "doorways" to understanding myself.

I am a mother of three, my partner and I professional musicians, and
responsibilities dictate that I don't get to trip on anything as often
as I might otherwise. I have been involved in a very intense
Gestalt-type of therapy (only experiential rather than traditional
therapist-patient) with some friends of mine for about a year and a
half, with the principle aim being "making the subconscious conscious"
and raising actual intelligence/creativity in the process. I found that
much of the very hard work I was doing in working through my
insecurities and coming to know myself worked very well in combination
with E.

Sort of like: in "the work" I struggle towards a goal I am only
dimly aware of. I take E, and am inside the goal, but without a road map
of how to get there "for real". After a time I was able to sustain the
clarity of experience for as long as a week (after the same minimal
dose, only once a week). My supply dried up, and I am only a little
closer to my goal (still moving, albeit at a frustrating crawl). I am
very interested in the glimpse I get of the outcome-state in this
process, which is one of great clarity and uninhibited creativity. index
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