What caused my worst E experience?

>Hello. I have a question about being stuck in an e hole?
>See this is what happened:

>At the beginging of the week, about 10 of us took the same E at the same
>time at an E party of mine. As it turned out I was floored off my ass on
>the very same E that got me dancing like crazy at a rave 2 weeks before.
>
>Everybody was having fun and enjoying themselves. A lot of us kissed,
>but not in a sexual way of course. It brought me closer to my friends
>and the emapthy I felt from kissing was terrific. A real bonding ritual.
>
>Everyone looked beautiful. Now, me myself I considered myself straight
>until that night. I am a very open guy. I have no problem with being
>aroud, hugging, etc. gay people. One of my friends who also was a guy as
>it turned out had a crush on me. And obviously he wanted to kiss me.
>After I kissed a couple of my friends (girls) i sat on the couch next to
>him. We hugged for a long time. And talked quietly about stuff. Then,
>from what everyone else said, we kissed.
>
>It shocked me at first, but I felt totally secure and unashamed with all
>my close friends. I decided to go with the moment. We kissed until the
>comedown of the E. The E lasted at least 6 hours.
>
>The next day I was in total afterglow of the E. And I still enjoyed
>kissing him. The next day, kissin him was starting to loose the magic it
>had the other night. And by the thrid day after It felt like kissing a
>friend that I felt close to.
>
>I told him what was happening and he felt sad. The day afterwards we
>went to my friends house and his room mate is a major e supplier for the
>local rave scene. I mean there are bags of very good e tabs in his home. And
>he alwyas give free E out constantly. So about 4 of us took some E.
>
>After it started to hit me, he came over and we kissed for a minute. I
>felt like it was just a big front put on by my part. I stopped and he
>just sat there for a few moments then he went over to a walkman and
>listened to some Cyber Trance.
>
>I started to feel really bad. Really sad, alone, upset, cold. Finally
>the feelings got to the point were i could no longer take them and i ran
>and hid in the darkest corner of the house and cried.
>
>I had realized that the rush of feelings toward him were completly gone.
>It made me sad. Another good friend came over and got me. He talked to
>me and walked me back to the couch. I started getting frusturated and
>mad. I started yelling at him and telling him to get away. I began
>swearing and trying to kick him to go away.
>
>It was the worse E experience I have ever had. Can you explain this to
>me. What happened that night? I am very curious. Has a similar
>experience ever happend to you?

reply

Not exactly, but I can identify with what happened. Its not that surprising, is it?

My interpretation is very simple: you are not homosexual, but on E you lose your predjudice and inhibitions and let yourself go along with his feelings. But this creates a conflict of what "you" feel is OK and want: you have one personality on E and another in normal life.
What happened later was that this conflict boiled over. Maybe your rational mind put you off this guy, or maybe it was your awareness of his needs or where it was all leading... anyway, its not hard to see how that could build up to the bad experience. And its worth noting that taking E does not always bring you back to the blissed out state; all it does is allow you to let go...