q + a




newq + atestingarticlesbooksexperienceslinks

Why did I nearly die?

I am currently 24 and started using ecstasy, speed and marijuana at 17 and dabbled in these on occasions for a few years. At the start of 1996 I began using ecstasy almost every week - 3 or 4 pills on a night out often followed by the additional one and lots of smoking when we returned from clubs in the mornings. This party carried on for many months with no noticeable problems - we were always sensible about drinking appropriate amounts of liquid and chilling out after dancing for a while, and partying from Friday night until Sunday night every weekend.

Then one night we went out for the usual clubbing routine - 3 pills and a bit of speed during an evenings clubbing and then back to a friend's house for the chillout. I smoked a little strong weed and had another half a pill and sat back to enjoy the morning, then boom . . . the room was spinning as if I was in a big round tunnel with the room and everything coming towards me. This then spiralled inwards (like when you turn a TV off) with cold blackness enclosing everything and I couldn't feel or hear anything. All of a sudden I suddenly started to snap out of this trance-like state and realised that if I didn't come back now, that would be it. Then boom I was back in my body - could see and hear everything around me . . . my friends all around me trying to calm me down as I completely freaked out shouting 'I'm dying!' - I was terrified! The morning was spent with me sliding in and out of a panic state and my friends trying to calm me down - I'm not sure what happened . . . did I die and come back?? Perhaps I'll never know what happened but I can't stop asking.

After that event I stopped all drugs and suffered panic attacks regularly (I'd never had them before) and now 10 months later with the help of drugs counselling and a course of Sertraline (which I'm still on) I'm over it, although I still think back to the things that happened. I haven't been to a club since and look forward to the next time I go to one (straight though!).

I don't regret what I have done but wish I had been a bit calmer and maybe the 6 months of shit I went through wouldn't have occurred. My friends have all calmed their drug taking down and I think it has taught all those around me that things can go wrong so maybe some good has com of it as they won't repeat what I did.



It sounds to me like a panic attack, and it does seem that they effect some heavy users after some time. Your use may not have been heavy user by comparison with many regular clubbers, but it was far greater than most E users in the USA where people hardly ever report problems.