Ecstasy and bereavement

I have a very good group of friends that I always make sure I am doing E with at least one of. I have a great time while on E with these people since everyone is so open.

One of these friends completely opens up while on E and really does express his inner most desires His best friend died in a car accident in the summer of '97. It was a very tragic loss to all of us. He was one of the happiest human beings I myself have ever known. In a way I think his death has effected him the most.

While my friend is on E he has so many brilliant ideas that relate to the dedication of our dead friend. Everyone agrees that we should do something to honour the remembrance of him.

One of our ideas is to produce a movie that was created by him, all we have to do is get the script from his parents. Since my friend knows his parents so well he said that he would ask if he could get it. But while my friend isn't on E (usually smoking pot) he never mentions our dead friend. I have done things while not under the influence of E to remind my friend what he had said about our dead friend while he was under the influence of E himself. He always comes up with some excuse that eventually erases his idea which I find quite sad because it's like he creates then destroys. How can I stop him from destroying, without getting him to do E?

Answer

I can see that your problem is a tricky one, because there are many different issues at stake here, but the main one I can see is the way everyone in your group, but especially the person you are asking about, has to come to terms with the death of your friend.

Firstly, I think it is good to remember that a grieving process is very individual, brings up lots of different emotions and can take a long time. Your friend died two years ago, but this is not really such a long time in terms of death, especially since he died in a car accident, which must have been very sudden. Getting over the initial shock could easily take a year and after that there are many more stages to go through which may take many more years. It is quite possible that your friend has still feelings of guilt, overwhelming sadness, pointlessness, depression and many other feelings that were caused by the death of his best friend. It is not surprising that when his heart is open on e, he just wants to express his love for him and comes up with these wonderful ideas, but when he has come down feels angry, sad or simply fed up about his friend no longer being with him in this world. All this is quite normal.

It often happens that people have great ideas, insights and revelations on e that melt like snow in the sun when returning to daily life. To be able to keep some of the positive feelings and ideas you need to establish "keys". You can think up all sorts of "keys", such a special hug which reminds you of what it was like on e. Jotting things down on paper is another good one. It does not have to be an essay, just a few lines written from your heart to jog your memory about the ideas and feelings. Sketching or painting may be even a better way, since it is more creative. Fingerpaint is lovely. If a few of you share this, you can support each other later in remembering what your heart was really telling you. This could be helpful in the case of your friend. If there is something concrete that you can fall back on after your session it may be easier to talk about the creation/destruction pattern.

However, it does not mean that suddenly he will feel different. He may feel "what is the point? I can't be bothered, " which is a very common response during a bereavement process. He may need help in getting through his darkest feelings around the death of his friend, either with the help of friends or even with a counsellor. Reading books by people in the same situation can also be useful. It can be tempting to dive into the e-love-mood all the time, but it is also possible to go deeper and feel all the feelings that are buried inside with it. To heal the wound that his dead friend has left inside may need more than just honouring him. You could all think up ideas that make you feel better and more at peace with his death. It may then be easier to realise the ideas, because you will feel the benefit of it for yourself. That is a great way of honouring a dead person.