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Addiction to the Ecstasy-induced state?

>The drug itself has awakened in me such beautiful visions which I had only
>glimpses of while being sober, and it has changed my life in dynamic ways. I
>have not had the opportunity to use this drug for maybe four months now, and
>in this time I have seen my mother die and my entire world fall apart.

>I feel disillusioned again, but this time it pierces me on a much deeper level
>than it ever has. I am not sure if this is due to my facing death, or the
>loss of mdma in my system. I have reason to believe the latter, for I have
>been able to cope with death all of my life, at times preferring what I know
>of it to life. So this leads me to believe that since my body has not had
>its regular once-a-week dosage of mdma, that I am addicted to it in order to
>feel at peace.

>For prolonged periods afterwards I would be able to get in touch with the
>feelings I felt while on it, and be able to link the feelings together. It
>would happen while hearing a song, or just on its own. Have I completely
>lost the serenity and peace that I once had? Is it impossible for me to feel
>these feelings unless on ecstasy? And if I were to be able to find some pure
>mdma, then would it harm me to take it again? there is so much I would like
>to find out, and I hope that you can aid me on my journey to find what I know
>exists inside of me by answering these few questions about my dilemma.
From an 18 year old American girl

Reply from a therapist experienced in the use of Ecstasy

A person well versed in these areas once said
that E TEMPORARILY pushes the fear away so that we are able
to get a glimpse of who we really are and what it is like to
have our hearts open without fear, but that E does not
DISSOLVE the fear permanently.

This, I feel, is what is going on with this girl and how an
"addiction" to E could happen. One becomes dependent on it
to evoke that state and when when is not on it, our"stuff"
comes creeping back in, so we do it again to return to that
state. The key I feel is to combine the E experiences with
other types of experiences which evoke deeper changes and
transformations. Also I feel that ongoing work with a "guide"
particulalry when one is new to this work (and as young as
this girl) is highly important, in order to INTEGRATE the
experiences, to weave them in more permanently and to,
strengthen one's understanding and resources to more
successfully deal with the challenges of life. Also I see
the "processing" in between as integrating the experiences,
so they don't slip away so easily, as well as preparing the
ground for future explorations.

Yes, it is not easy, it is not about recreation, that is why
they call it "The Work" is what I often say.

As far as the physical "ill effects" described in the
communique you sent, I feel this is part of the purification
these "allies" provoke. Though many do not experience this
on E, I can attest to these effects. Often it is through
vomiting that we release our fears and blocks, so I, in most
cases, feel it is positive. However, our organic friends can
provoke even deeper purifications and releases, as we well